Watching The World Pass By

Hello lovelies!
I've finally moved into my new house, where food rules don't exist. Last week I embarked on the journey of a 7 day calorie-controlled diet, which, surprisingly (to me) I followed quite strictly.
I guess we all have that stage where we actually detest food and it also causes disgust (I've been reading other blogs) and that's where I've been.
Now, I don't know how much I've lost, but I'm sure I'm about at 50 or 51 kilos approximately since I don't have a scale at my new home. I came with my cousin, May, to my grandma's to weigh myself, but my uncle and aunt came over so they are currently all chatting it up and laughing like crazy right now. So, pushing the couch over and getting on the scale is an obvious no-no, but the desire is still there. Maybe... but no. No one would understand.
Anyhow, I am completely ready for a fast. Until when?
Well, I was thinking starting tomorrow until I can see bone. Food isn't causing me hunger recently. I've been doing the 'Refrigerator Dance' ever time I go to the kitchen. Nothing is appetizing.
It's a beautiful feeling, but I've gotten scared. I'm scared of going head-first into the eating disorder again, and letting it take complete control of me. But then, there's this voice that says, "That's a good thing, Rox. You can afford to lose all that fat." and "This isn't an eating disorder, it's just a way your body tells you you should finally get skinnier. It's trying to help you, duh."
Anyway, I'm paying attention to the voice and taking advantage of my appetite. I need to see the bones poking through my skin. I want to feel frail, tragic, skinny.
I think this decision to fast is because of yesterday. My aunt Susie came over my house to hang with my mom, and she didn't notice that I lost weight.
I'm going to keep going until people talk and gasp and comment on my complexion... I'm getting my hair dyed blonde, and then pink on Monday, so I need to be skinnier by then. I might post pictures, so stay tuned <3!
It's only one more week until school starts again, and I want to reach 48kg by then. Wish me luck!