Jinx

Why do I need to hate myself more?

These past 3 days have been binge days, instead of the fasting I had in mind. I'm not even hungry but there is this... need to fill myself up until I feel horrible. Why do I do this?
My mom is going out tonight to rehearse for a gig on Saturday, so I'm going to take the time to detox and get rid of everything in my system. Then I'll fast thursday and friday to be able to get some sushi with May on Saturday. My family is having a birthday party for 3 of my aunts and uncles; the bad thing is that there'll be barbecue and booze. I'll try to refrain from everything as much as I can to get to my goal.

Zara told me I was getting skinnier.

A smile broke out inside me, but outside I acted indifferent. No one must find out about my plans and how tragically skinny I dream to be.