The following is a short story I made a while back, describing the struggles most of us with eating disorders have.
The
monster unleashed itself after having been locked away for such a long time.
The poor girl could only look through the bars of her cell, watching as the
monster she had feared so much take control of everything that was once hers.
She sobbed and pleaded to be let out, but
the abomination only turned its ugly head and smirked, all the while committing
the sin it had waited anxiously for after being kept away. The cell shook
vigorously as the tear-drenched girl tried every way possible to regain control.
She screamed. She cried. She begged.
But the monster was not letting down just
yet.
It turned around and walked back to the
metal chamber, looking through the bars at her screaming victim. The dejected
girl laid on the floor of the cell, covering her head as she sobbed in agony.
It gripped the fierce iron bars and sneered,
enjoying how her young prey’s sorrow enveloped her mind.
“You honestly didn’t think
you could keep me forever locked
away?
I will fulfill my desire and watch as your face contorts in pain.
I am a part of you that
will never go
away,
And even as hard as you try to push me
out,
I will remain.”
The
child raised her head in anguish, and watched as the face of the monster slowly
contorted into sinister smile. It pulled
away from the cold bars and laughed as it continued the ridiculous torture.
She
pushed against the bars and let a hand through, outstretched. Thinking, all the
while, she could convince it of relinquishing control.
“Stop
this torment… Please!”
But
the beast only kept on smiling, tearing her soul apart by the sin.
The
child’s hand slowly regained its position at her side as her crying faded away
into silence. It was a waste of time to argue; the monster had no intention of
listening or stopping by any means. That
is, until it could ensure the young woman’s zealous guilt. She slid to the
floor, knees supporting her body as her eyes observed the current scene before
her.
Dainty
hands grasped the cold rails separating her from her fear.
She
understood now.
The
girl could do nothing.
1 · 11 · 2014
She
covered her eyes now. The cell was no longer a sturdy keepaway to trap her in;
its door had become loose and now dangled from its hinges, creaking ever so
slightly. There was no monster anymore, either. But the evidence of the reign
lay there, scattered on the floor in obvious disarray.
Everything
was silent.
Slowly,
the child glanced up from her position on the cold, iron floor. Noticing there
was no longer any fierce beast; she got up and walked to the broken cell door.
Pushing it aside gently, the young girl bowed her head and passed out of the
opening, looking around at the scenery for the first time.
A
small hand clasped the owner’s mouth in shock.
“I..
didn’t… no…”
The
girl fell to her knees and grabbed her head, unbelieving. Those gentle, doe
eyes filled with tears and sad disbelief. She couldn’t grasp what she was
seeing.
“No…
Why…?”
Loud
sobs filled the room which had once held silent air, and the girl crumbled in
pain.
She
had lost control again.
She
was weak.
She
was disgraceful.
The
only other inhabitant of the room laughed lightly, making the distraught woman
turn her head. There, in the once broken jail cell, was the thing she feared
the most, now smiling and holding onto the restored iron rails.
It
locked eyes with her fiercely, as it spat out its next words.
“Oh, my pretty. Crying, are we not?
You have gained
control,
and I have been stopped,
but don’t worry, my dear—
for I will never be gone.”
1.13.2014
She
knew what it meant. In her head, in her heart, she would never be the only one.
The
other girl, the other figure would always be in the places she had grown to
love. She was nothing without this monster, and this monster was nothing
without her.
When
had it inhaled its first breath? When exactly had it whispered its first word
in her mind? Slipping silently into the vacancy of her thoughts, polluting her
soul and swallowing her heart whole. The girl hadn’t realized when exactly it
had taken place.
The
beast was such a conniving monster, twisting pure and innocent thoughts into
wretched, painful beliefs… and the poor girl hadn’t even caught on until it had
seeped into her heart, mind and soul, twisting and turning into them like a
rose’s thorny stem, until it had eventually become a crucial part of them. As
much as the beast lay subdued in the cold, iron cell, there was no chance it
would ever disappear.
She
would never know the feeling of true solitude.
Wherever
she went, the beast would follow, mouth dripping with mal intent and the
spiteful smile always in place, whispering and murmuring into the child’s ear.
Would she lose control today? Would the cell doors open without warning? As
much as the iron cell lay sturdy, the monster waited for control… for the exact
moment where it could torture the girl’s mind and twist her heart whole,
letting her experience the agony and exasperation of becoming trapped, being in
a place in which you had no power over anything that happened. She would only
watch.
The
monster licked its lips, savoring every moment of the child’s negative emotions
as if they were the most delicious delicacy around. She had no vote now. The
beast lay within her, sharing the body it tortured and tormenting the mind and
heart that she herself had made available without her immediate knowledge.
The
young girl could feel the enjoyment in the monster before her. It was held in
the iron cell, but the emotion rolled off in waves, mocking the poor girl in
every which way.
The
monster was locked away right in front of her eyes, yet she was the one that
felt trapped.
12.28.14
It's been nearly 24 hours since I last ate (2 more hours to go), and i don't feel even a tiny bit hungry. I did have some coffee in the morning, so I guess that could be why.
