Everything around me is foggy... I can't see where I'm headed.

I am so confused.
For years I have tried to be perfect, or at least the kind of person I had always thought as of being my future. Yes, the perfect girl in my eyes. Smart, beautiful, kind and thin. I had always thought that was what everyone wanted. The kind of person everyone would admire. I would be her.
I tried, and I don't know... I'm skinnier than I have *almost* ever been, but no one celebrates me, or smiles at my achievements. Where did I go wrong? I feel invisible.
Even now, when I look in the mirror, my thighs almost don't touch anymore... and even so, I still think of myself as repulsive. I don't even know what the hell I want anymore, or where in the heck I'm headed. I don't know what to do or which way to turn. I don't know exactly who I am.
It seems that everything I have ever thought to be true... isn't anymore. This is making me confused. I've been beating myself up for years trying to be this *perfect* person, and she's still out of sight. I don't have the strength to wash my face, or dress up and go to parties even though I'm finally skinny. It feels like my whole life I've just been wandering place to place, a forgetful face in everyone's lives. The kind of person someone looks at a picture of and asks, "Who's that?" with a response of, "Who knows?". I never wanted to be this person. But yet... here she is.
People look at me. Yes they do. But only to say, 'She's gotten too skinny' with a shake of their heads. Why are you changing your ideas, people? Why are you finally saying it's wrong to be like this? I thought that's what you guys wanted. There had been remarks in the past of 'you're eating too much, you know.' I obeyed, and now everyone Is shaking their heads? I'm even skinnier than that b*tch of a cousin, and now everyone is looking and complimenting her. I'm just a passing spirit. I feel so alone. What did I do to deserve this? I've been strong and overcome so much more than the normal person, with discipline I've been killing myself slowly while the others just cry and whimper about how they haven't had breakfast yet and it's already noon.
How am I supposed to live in order to be acknowledged?!?
I'm tired of this game with the rest of the world. Ah, I don't know. Maybe it's just a game with my mind. Maybe I'm just going crazy. Maybe I really am a passing spirit, meant to mark a little of everyone's lives, but never get anywhere or achieve anything myself. Ah, destiny. You are so cruel.

 

 

Everything was black and white.

Ugly and pretty,

Fat and skinny.

Don't eat too much,

just eat a little.

Follow these rules,

and you will be beautiful.

 

 

 

Why is it that now it doesn't seem to be the case? Is there something I missed? Something I overlooked? Or is it that it's simply not my destiny?