Almost December; The Internal Fight With Oneself

There's a part of me that still shakes her head whenever I eat anything. "Fast," she says.

 

 

I'm leaving on monday to go back home with my mom for Winter break. Finally! All those freaking nights thinking about why the heck I entered college are finally *almost* done. I was getting tired of thinking about my life and exactly what I'm doing with it... now I can just enjoy my time with my mom and family and not think about school. It's my last week and I've finished all my homework, but I just need to study for my math and accounting exams.
I'm not actually sad for these past few months because I actually did acomplish something. It might not be much, but I've managed to stay in the 50kg range instead of the 53kg one I had been on before college. At least it's something.
I've been thinking of fasting since last week, but I feel there's something wrong with me. Now, I can't actually last long without eating something small. There is some guilt involved whenever I eat but it's not as extreme as it used to be. During those times, I would shake, sweat and cry if I had even one small potato chip. I'm glad I'm getting better, but I feel there's still something missing.
I really wanted to reach my 48 kg goal (GW1) by monday, which means that I would have to lose 6 lbs in 5 days. Possible? Absolutely. I just want to go back home skinny so that everyone talks. Although, as I said, they would only criticize. Plus, It would scare my mom, and I don't really want to upset her. Only then I think, 'This is something I want, why do I worry about them? It's my body.'

Well I'm off to read some fantasy/romance novels. Anything more interesting than my life xD

Peace Out .V..