I hate my cousin. I just hate her so much. My aunt just never stops talking about her and how beautiful she considers her to be.But it´s not just that. It´s the fact that I´ve made her who she is now. My other (chubby) cousin was telling me the other day that Zuly (hateful cousin´s name) dances "really well".
Okay. One: The song she danced to was the song I danced to at the family's Chrismas party. She saw me and started learning the steps.
Is it the fact that I hate being compared?
She´s copied everything about me. I liked a certain genre of music people hardly ever listened to, and she criticized me. Now, she´s a fan and thats what she always talks about.
What is up with her? Is it that she just aspires to be like me? Or is it envy?
Anywho, I also hate her because she just loves to bring me down from my cloud.
Two years ago, at the height of my ED, when I was losing tons of weight (and binging) she constantly compared herself to me.
"Those jeans are tight on you, huh?"
"Well, I´m pretty because I'm tall."
"I eat everything in sight and I'm still skinny."
"My boobs are bigger than yours."Hateful bitch. To which I responded:
1) No, they`re actually a bit loose. (Which they were!)
2) I`d rather be my height and be able to wear anykind of pumps, without thinking if I look taller than my boyfriend.
3) Oh, cool. (But you still don't have an ass like me, flat-ass)
3) Breasts aren't everything in life.
Maybe it's because of the fact that she's 14 and she needs to feel important. This is why I don't see her but on holidays, when the family gathers.
The reason of this post is because of yesterday night. My cousin Carol (the chubby one) told me a few months ago that when she had a sleepover at Zuly's house, she found out that Zuly weighed at 56 kilos. She's tall, okay but I was still happy that she weighed more than me.
So yesterday night, my aunt was telling my grandma that Zuly had lost weight until she was down to 47 kilos. "She kept saying she was getting fat, so she lost weight. Even though I told her it was because she was tall."
What added to my mood was the fact that my aunt talked about it as if she was proud of her.
Which is what pisses me off. When I lost about 18 pounds, people weren't proud of me, they criticized me for being 'too skinny'. And here is my cousin, who is always celebrated in the family, losing weight and not being hated.
I want to be the skinny, pretty one. I want to be the best. I want to be perfection.
It scares me to contemplate that her greediness might even copy my ED. Edna is mine, and if she had her, I don't think I could take it.
Isn't that completely messed up?
I'm sorry about the differences in how people react to you and your cousin. Considering that she is 14, don't get too broken up over her heigh to weight ratio. She is very young, and has a LOT of puberty coming up. That is concerning that you say she is quite tall and only 47 kilo. That's unfortunate that no one can see past that. It certainly is frustrating to do something and be ignored, and then someone else does the same and gets praise. However, rather than put yourself down for this or feel angry, I think it'd be better to focus on now and the future. You can't undo or redo what you've already done, nor can you change what your cousin is doing. BUT you CAN change your attitude and your actions/reactions. Try to be positive that she looks up to you and tries to do what you do, even though it annoys you. Also, I'm glad you're okay with your height. It's not something up to us to change, and honestly - I'd rather be my height and wear heels than tower over everyone, too! Hang in there and keep your chin up, girl! Xoxo
ResponderBorrarOh god I love you <3 thanks for always lifting my spirit up! I'll try your advice as well :DD
ResponderBorrar