The Fear Of Reality

My brother tried to commit suicide a few weeks ago. My best guy friend cut most of his thighs and almost jumped out his balcony from depression. There are blogs I follow that haven't been updated for quite some time now. What happened to those bloggers?
I try not to think about the sad things. Maybe if I ignore everything and smile, Life can be much more beautiful.

I was accepted in my college and I start classes on Monday. My aunt has graciously welcomed me into her home, a few minutes from the campus, until I can find my own place. Even with that load off my shoulder, I still can't stop worrying about money.
I have a fear of reality. I just wish everything had just stayed the way it was when I was in middle school. But sadly, there is no going back. There is only acceptance of what is and coping to the best of your abilities.
I'm 18 years old already, and I wish I had frozen at 16. Responsibility and Maturity are needed already.
Weight wise I'm doing bad okay. I still weigh 52.5 kgs but I'm not stressing about it as much as I used to. Of course, I still look into the mirror and sigh. 44 kg is still my goal weight.

I hate the way things are now. I want to have the willpower I had when I was 16, I want to stop living this reality and start living in my dreams. When you prefer to be asleep than awake, you know you have a problem.
I will be staying in the city 6 days a week, an hour away from my mom and only visiting on sundays. This is sort of to my advantage, weight wise, because my mom will not be there watching me eat but my aunt and uncle are the type of people to worry about others. I guess I will have to fake a stomachache or nausea to get out of eating. Another good thing is that they have a digital scale in the bathroom. :D

Get ready for an update on Monday afternoon, hopefully :D